Lonely Valentine Story 9: Reborn. Welcome to the new ME
Reborn. Welcome the new me.
I am very proud of myself. I really am. I was determined to get you at any cost, I fought for you, I got you and I was able to let you go, and live. I fell for you, I dragged you down; then I stood up, walked over you and walked away. I have been brave, I have been strong, I have been weak and desperate, but I made it.
I get it now. To experience the extremes of love and passion get ready to also experience the lows of the lows. It’s like a pendulum, the higher you swing in one direction the bigger the force to swing you in the other. It’s just the truth and sooner you accept it the better. You can’t cheat it or play it, if you want things for real, if you want real love, you need to be ready to be really hurt too. You might not get there, but if you do you should know why. There’s no day without night, there’s no life without death, it’s what makes us alive, any other way is not worth living. I feel sorry for you to be so cold and reserved. You are missing out on amazing emotions and sensations, you’ll never know what it’s like and what I am talking about. It is very sad, I am very sorry for you.
I am flourishing again. I am beautiful, I know it, I am no longer angry, I let go of it. I am not yet ready to have another such feeling for someone else and I don’t actually want any other man in my life just yet, but soon I will. Now I want to really thank my dear self for surviving, cherish myself and live through all recent realizations, write about them, smile about them, joke about them.
I laugh, I dance, I make plans. I am giving myself plenty of little nice surprises, I treat myself well, I deserved it.
Inasmuch as you were absent physically from my life, there was a concept of you present at all times and I miss having someone conceptually, someone I can dream and think about, someone I can write a flirty text and wish good morning, someone who could give me a nice cuddle and lots of attention, I miss a man in my life. It’s not you; it’s a man, any man. Yet, I enjoy me more than any man now, so it’s time for my dear me. I am not out there looking for a prince, I have no agenda when I am out, I am just enjoying every day and loving the time I spend with myself, and my friends.
People say girls never know what they want. I think I’m getting closer to knowing. I know for sure that I wouldn’t settle for half a life with anyone, I wouldn’t play love and I wouldn’t be with a man who isn’t willing to make any effort. Would I close myself and protect my heart from future blows? Never, I’ll do it all over again just like I did with you, but hopefully the next man would be worth it. I know I can love, I am capable of it. I am capable of loving someone in all ways, fully, selflessly, romantically, passionately. I am able to give the love described by the great poets and depicted by master painters, and I will give all of it to someone real, to make his life beautiful, to make him feel like nothing can break it, to fill his days with special moments and to gift him with wonderful children. Before I thought that it’s up to women to decide when they are ready to have kids. I know now that when you are in love with your whole being, with every cell of your body that’s the right person to have them with. I am excited to meet this lucky man!