Lonely valentine is the series of confessions of a woman’s heartache, hearbreaks and how to let go of someone who’s not worth it.
Story 1: Red Pressure
It’s that time of the year when the whole world around me turns red and heart shapes. Everywhere I go I see the cupids, balloons, red foil wrapped chocolates, red ribbons, gift baskets. Worse, I open the newspapers, flyers and even the in-flight magazine and all they talk about is what to buy for him and how to make that special atmosphere. It’s ironic that the special atmosphere is actually the most standardized and ordinary setting of chocolates, champagne, heart shaped gift and a meal. How exciting! God… Trust me, even the most passive of us could fall into violent rage when someone mentions the word ‘Valentines’ for the hundredth time. Scream!
Those who are defensively shutting off from the ‘red pressure’ like myself will find themselves relieved when the whole buzz is over. In the meantime, I’ll be posting about the very sensitive, endlessly painful and sensitive heart matters because inasmuch as I am convinced that I am special my heartaches are hardly new, so you’ve probably had a similar experience or going through it right now. Why? Because loneliness just hit me hard.
And about me… well, back in the days I could say I am a beautiful woman full of love, energy and ambition, I am fun and great company, good cook and good friend, I am me, I am cool. Now I don’t really know what I am, I am aggressive bitch who doesn’t give a toss about anything in the world apart from my dear self because that’s the only way I could live after the world turned its back on me. The colours went from vivid to grey, the warmth turned into ice and my pain threshold is through the roof. I am now a sadist and I don’t care, can’t feel anything anyway so either get used to it or get lost. I don’t feel worthless, no, I’ve been there before. Now I feel that nobody’s worth me because after what I have gone through you really have to make the effort, like beyond effort and I decided to be arrogant, cold and hard to get. I look pretty, play dirty and don’t give a damn about the entire opposite gender. If my prince Charming wants to find me he should search wide and google harder while I’ll be sitting on my butt with a tray of cupcakes watching Star Wars.